So you’re done? That’s it right?
When we found out we were having a boy, family as well as complete strangers basically put a “Closed” sign on my uterus. “Well there you go, you have one of each…The set is complete.” Hold the phone people! What if we really want to see another dynamic in our family; how sisters interact with one another, or how brothers form a bond?
What is it with this gender fascination of you have to “Go for the boy”, or well, “Now you need to try for a girl?!”
I know a wonderful Mom who was pregnant with baby #3, and strangers as well as family asked her if the baby was a mistake because she already had a daughter and a son!
Or several of my mom friends with two girls have heard,” Well, you have to try for a boy next!”
No wonder there’s so much swirling out there about gender these days with neutrality, toy aisles and more. It begins even before we give birth!
And it’s not just these questions moms hear frequently. Inquiring minds ask moms of twins, “did you use IVF?” Or if they see an only child, they treat them like a Lays potato chip: “You can’t have just one!” Or, because a child looks different from a parent, asking “is it yours?!”
Most people mean well and are just inquisitive of this miracle of life, but sticking to lovely, generic questions is best.
- A simple congratulations is usually the best way to go in most situations.
- If you can’t tell if the caretaker is a mom, nanny, sister or babysitter, just state, “what a cute baby!”
- If you can’t tell if baby is a boy or girl, just state “what a smart, bright-eyed baby!”
- Never call a baby a mistake, an “oops,” or other term. Leave it as congratulations.
- Most importantly, be supportive and kind!
I have already gotten the raised eyebrow and “you’re over 35– you must be done!” comment when I mention we may like a third child. It took us 6 years to get pregnant with #1 so yes, that put us a bit behind schedule. You just never know what someone has been through.
We aren’t quite sure what our family will look like yet in a few years. Maybe my next pregnancy will be girl/boy twins. That will even it out nicely for the people who insist on even pairings!
What “did they really just say that” comments did you receive while pregnant/trying to conceive?