Do Not Get These for My Toddler: A Holiday Gift Guide

Oh how I hate to love this holiday season. Or maybe I love to hate it, or some combination of the two. One of my goals this year has been to focus on what is really important to me (experiences, family, friends, quality) and purge all the extras (clutter in my home, clutter in my mind, clutter in my time). I am slowly realizing that this year, as Vi’s first real Christmas experience, will be a challenge. There are so many opportunities for accumulating stuff that I will inevitably have to pry from Vi’s tiny (yet surprisingly strong) fingers. Or fish out of her mouth. Or resist throwing out a window. Planning on giving a gift to a toddler this year? I’ve got you covered on what NOT to get. You’re welcome.

What NOT to get my toddler.

1. Anything cheap, plastic, and prone to breaking into teeny tiny pieces within minutes of my destructive toddler’s grasp. Mini Hulks smash; it’s what they do. Take this into consideration.

2. That toy that plays super annoying music and has no off switch or volume knob. “You know what I wish was the soundtrack to my life? High-pitched, tinny, frantic versions of stock songs about colors!” said no parent ever.

"I don't know why that insanely annoying toy won't work anymore, sweetie."

“I don’t know why that insanely annoying toy won’t work anymore, sweetie.”

3. Any candy that is perfectly engineered to be a choking hazard. You know who you are, Lifesavers.

4. Any candy that is guaranteed to end in reupholstering my couch or cutting it out of someone’s hair. My kid is cute, but I don’t think she could pull off a gum-induced mullet. And I know that I couldn’t.

5. Let’s just say any candy. Yeah.

6. Anything covered in the germ of the craft world: glitter. You know what is not on my list of to do’s in 2016? Vacuuming glitter out my carpets and washing it out of toddler hair for months.

Does this list make me sound Grinchy? Meh. Maybe. But I promise there are lots of other gift options that don’t include anything messy/hazardous/annoying. My favorite gifts for Vi are books, simple toys that encourage creativity, and anything handmade with sentimental value (I’m mushy like that).

Or just give their parents a book of vouchers for free babysitting. Merry Christmas!



 

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