Raising Our Sons to Be Fathers

A few days ago I received a gift. My five-year-old son, Caleb, fell asleep in the car. Woo Hoo! Because silence is golden. But wait. There’s more.

When we arrived home I lifted his lankiness from the car seat expecting him to wake up.

He didn’t. Instead?

He nestled his sweet face into the space between my shoulder and chin. I could have walked him to his bed and laid him down.

I didn’t. Instead?

I sat in our rocker and held him for the next hour. Because at five, it could be my last time to rock him as he slept. It could always be the last time he lets me. So I rocked and stared at his long lashes and soaked in the gift.

As I gently swayed back and forth, breathing in his precious face, my mind began to wander. What do I do with this little boy? How do I raise this member of the wild and untamed male species?

Say what you will, but for me, the difference between raising my daughter, now 11, and my son is vast and wide. As moms raising our daughters, we are intrinsically in tune to the female psyche. But I often feel at a loss in raising Caleb.

While my girl, Ella, has her own parenting speed bumps, I sometimes look at my son and wonder, am I raising you to be the man you’re supposed to be?

Am I raising you to be adventurous? To take risks? To become a man that will make the world a better place? To use your strength to defend the helpless? To treat women with dignity and respect? Am I getting any of this right?

Am I raising you to be the father you will one day, God-willing, become?

Because fathering is different than mothering. And not every woman had an amazing father. And not every woman has an incredible helpmate husband.

So how do we raise our sons to be fathers? Whether we want our sons to be the fathers we wish we had or like the fathers we were blessed with, we bare a great responsibility in raising the next generation of dads.

I’m no expert. My son is only five. My final grade as a parent won’t be issued for a great while. But I do know amazing fathers. And I know their amazing parents. My husband and in-laws are just one example.

Wisdom from those who’ve gone before is a beautiful place to glean parenting lessons.

Another well to draw from? What kind of father did I want for my own children?

I wanted a father who would love his children unconditionally. A father who would put his children’s needs before his own. A father who would not be afraid to take his children on adventures. A father who would protect his family.

So I begin there. In those spaces.

I can teach unconditional love to Caleb by the way I treat him and the humanity I walk by every day. Love begins in the home, but it must reach out past my four walls to all people, no matter the race, gender, or creed. We must love humankind in our home.

Teaching Caleb to consider the needs of others first, battles the entitlement of his generation. It also means teaching him how to be an incredible human. These are the hard lessons. Lessons of selflessness. But imagine how beautiful our world could be if we thought of others before ourselves. And taught our children to do the same.

When my son roars through the house as the newest Tyrannosaur-Spiderman-Thor Superhero, instead of asking him to be quieter or to find something calm to do, I can let him thunder and explore and experience the wild. The need for adventure runs deep in my little boy—I can allow it to flow free.

There will be times I can stand up for those with no voice. I will have a choice. My son will be watching from the shadows. He will be watching and learning how to protect the innocent from the choices I make to do the same.

Suddenly, I’m not so afraid of raising my son.

It’s not simple. It’s not easy. But it’s also not as complicated as I sometimes make it out to be.

What we model—what we expect—will begin to establish the seeds of kindness, love, adventure, and strength we hope to see bring fruit in our sons, and our daughters, as they grow.

What our sons become begins with who we are.

Keep rocking your babies, momma. You’re doing an incredible job.