As women we just love to suck it. Before you get the wrong idea, let me elaborate. What I mean is, we like to “suck it up” and get the job done because we feel our worth is measured by our ability to fix all and please all. Our job is to take care of everything and everyone.
I call this “we like to suck it syndrome” and many of us suffer from it.
We suck up our feelings and play strong when someone hurts us.
We say yes when we want to say HECK NO.
We take the kid to the playdate even though we have the flu.
We serve dinner to everyone first and end up with cold scraps.
We let our bosses insult or harass us because we don’t want to lose our jobs
We even suck in our gut when another woman with a smaller frame walks by.
WHY do we do this to ourselves?
Some do it because we fear the repercussions of saying NO. Some of us have seen our mothers keep the house spotless, work full time and say yes to everything that gets handed to them when every inch of their being was screaming NO. Some of us have experienced the opposite of that selfless maternal figure and we vowed to never be like them. Some of us just feel inferior and MUST prove to all women out there that we are worthy of friendship, love and the occasional girls night out invite. However, ALL of us are exhausted regardless of why we perpetuate this cycle of suckery.
We are losing ourselves by pleasing others and playing a role that was never meant for us, as if this is what being a good woman is all about. The dirty truth is that some of us like how it feels to make others happy even if it literally hurts us; we like to impress and “one up” each other and we are afraid of what will happen if others see our “flaws and weaknesses.” NEWSFLASH… We all have flaws and weaknesses and instead of hiding them under the super hero cape, we should bond over them and help each other out.
Alright, stop… Collaborate and listen!! We are awesome just as we are! I know we want to please everyone, we want to be loved, respected and seen as Wonder Woman (as if somehow who we are at our core is not good enough). Guess what?! NONE of this is what makes us the fantastic women we are, because our awesomeness cannot be measured by the sacrifices we make for others and the tears we shed while doing so. Moreover… WHAT THE CRAP ARE WE TEACHING OUR KIDS? To settle? That their feelings and desires are not valid? That suffering and sacrifice are equal to greatness and that their job in life is to suck it, too?! Do we want them to say yes to the crappy raise when they deserve more, to run to the bathroom and cry when their boss is inappropriate instead of speaking up? If we don’t remedy this now, this cycle will repeat instead of realizing they are magnificent and worthy of respect. After all, they come from me, they come from YOU, they come from strong queens and warriors who have learned from trial and error that we are freaking important, smart, beautiful and perfectly imperfect; To quote Vanilla Ice, again, “Anything less than the best is a felony…” And WE deserve the best, am I right or am I right?
Listen, I know it is hard to stop the insanity. I am one of those who just loves to “suck it on the daily.” GET YOUR MINDS OUTTA THE GUTTER, I just mean that I am a people pleaser and I don’t want to let anyone down. But what about me and the million times I have let MYSELF down?
It is time to accept that self care, self love and self respect are not the equivalent of being selfish.
So, as of today we get to say no without fear or regret and we get to walk away from everything that no longer serves us. It is not too late to break that cycle of feeling like we don’t deserve our pedestals, my Queens – that cycle that says that our roles are to be fixers and recipients of crumbs while others get the whole loaf. We CAN do this! Let’s say no to that dinner we don’t want to go to! Let’s stand up for ourselves and tell the boss we will not tolerate undesirable behavior. Let’s tell the kid that play date can wait. We don’t need an excuse or a story, we can simply say NO to them and YES to us. BECAUSE WE ARE WORTH IT!