The woman that I want to be

Not too long ago I found myself scrolling through Instagram and wishing for the life that I see on my feed all the time. One filled with laughter everyday, great food, vacations, little fashionistas, name brand clothing, college diplomas, etc. I kept scrolling, kept clicking on people’s pages, kept wishing for everything I didn’t have. I know, you’re probably sitting there thinking “but that’s not always real life!” That didn’t stop my brain from going into overtime of all the things I wanted or wanted to be. It all came down to one thing, I’m constantly thinking about being THAT person in some form or another.

I want to be THAT woman who’s not overweight, who can wear a single digit clothing size, who looks in the mirror and thinks “MAN I’m beautiful” without a second thought. I want to be THAT person who graduated college and earned their bachelors, masters and PhD, all of which were dreams of mine. I want to be THAT wife who doesn’t nag her husband all the time. The wife who cleans the house and cooks dinner instead of having to convince myself to do these things. I want to be THAT person who seriously has her act together enough to even just wake up when my alarm goes off and not have to set five alarms. I want to be THAT mom who is just amazing all around. You know which mom I’m talking about. The mom who all the kids want to be around. I want to be THAT person who isn’t always stressed out about money and can buy things without a second thought or can plan vacations every year.

But I’m not all of THAT. Let me tell you who I AM. I am that woman who’s overweight and is pretty confident with herself and her body on most days. I am that woman who looks in the mirror and thinks “I look really good today”, sometimes I even throw the word beautiful out there. I am that person who graduated with my AA and it took me years to do it but I am really proud of it. I am that wife who loves her husband so fiercely, even when I’m nagging him. I am that person that when I decide to clean, you better look out because I’m unstoppable. I am that person who isn’t a morning person, but I’m a night owl and I’m OK with that.

I have to remind myself that I am exactly where I need to be in life. I like to think that my want for certain things motivates me to be a better person, it pushes me to sit down and appreciate everything that I have or everything that I already am. It’s so easy in this day in age to want things that we don’t even really need (but of course would be nice to have). At the end of the day I have my husband, my beautiful children, my health and so much more.

Here are just a few tips that help me ground myself in these times:

  1. Write a gratitude list. I’m a visual person so being able to see my list helps me emotionally, spiritually and mentally.
  2. Have that one person you can talk to about anything. In Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith is Christina’s “person”. {If you’ve never seen the show, then you need to. Seriously} Everyone needs one of those. They will play devil’s advocate if necessary. They will help you get through anything you need them to with no judgement.
  3. Spend quality time with yourself. Whether it be getting a pedicure, taking a long hot bath, going to the grocery store alone. Time by myself allows me to better reflect on my life and appreciate everything without any distractions.

There is no way I am the only person who feels this way. I know that these feelings can be normal. I still feel guilty for them at times. But at the end of my hectic day I am so grateful for those small moments when I was wishing for things I didn’t have. It allowed me time to stop and be grateful for everything I am and everything that I have.

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