I have zero creativity right now. It’s frustrating. I want to write, take photographs, even doodle. But nothing comes. My creativity bug flew away about four months ago when I had my baby girl. She’s wonderful and lovely and I enjoy being around her. But since she arrived, I have done almost nothing else and I’m mad.
Baby girl is my third, so it’s not like I have ridiculous expectations. I know my time and energy is limited. I wasn’t expecting my life to return to normal after having her. But I was expecting to have a few aspects of what makes me “me”stick around. I look and I look but I cannot find them anywhere.
I go out to take photos, nothing looks interesting.
I sit to write a blog post, no words enter my brain.
I pick up a ball of yarn to crochet, no stitches make a thing. I am no longer creative.
What has happened to my little creativity bug? Where did she go? What happens to a mother when she has a baby that makes her lose her mind? These are questions I do not have answers to. But I think a lot of women have asked them before. We do not lose who we are as women when we have a baby, but something is taken from us. Maybe it’s small and almost unnoticeable. Maybe it’s big and we mourn its absence. But whatever it is, it’s a sacrifice.
I know I’m complaining right now. Because I’m upset and sad and irritated that I am having a hard time doing things that I used to love. But really, I’m ok. I’m happy to sacrifice things for my babies. They are God-given gifts and I would do anything for them. I sacrifice daily so that they can have more. I don’t get to do the things that I love doing all the time. But I love being with them every day and that makes it (almost) all better.
Maybe one day my little bug will return to me. She will be big and loud and full of creative juices. But maybe my kids will all be grown by then. Maybe I will have to have an empty nest for that little bug to return. It’ll be hard, but I can wait.
Perhaps you are going through this creativity slump too? I’d love for you to comment below. Sometimes knowing we aren’t alone is half the battle!
Are you a photographer? Do you have any new tricks which might inspire me?
Do you crochet? Share your favorite new project, or I might be making hats til my kids graduate!