Yes, we really need more toilet paper already. And while I’m at it, we need bubble gum-flavored children’s toothpaste with Cinderella, Rapunzel and Ariel on the package, shampoo that is tear-free and preferably with conditioner, but if the shampoo doesn’t include conditioner, then we need that, too. We also need new Dory, Minnie and Skye toothbrushes, the body wash that doesn’t make them itch, and the lotion that we can put on their skin when they inevitably itch anyway. Seriously?!?!? Why didn’t anyone tell me that the toiletries we need for our kids should be included as a line item in our family budget!!!?!?!?
I legitimately spend more time choosing which toothpaste has the right flavor and image combination to appeal to all 3 of my toddlers than I spend picking all of the toiletries combined for my husband and I. So for Christmas, I have been buying favorite toiletries for each child’s stocking. They may only last for 2 days, but that’s two days more than they sometimes last right now. Last week, I walked in their bathroom only to find them – no joke –taking turns passing around the bubble-gum-flavored toothpaste, squeezing the tube and eating it. Do they know how long I spent picking out that toothpaste, only to have it wasted in 5 minutes?!?!?!? (On a positive note, at least I succeeded in picking one they all like.)
And since we are in the midst of potty training twins, we have been going through toilet paper like you wouldn’t believe. Granted, I only spend time choosing which one has the best price for the week vs. analyzing the packaging, but still. If I had a nickel for the number of times I have found the entire roll, unrolled and strewn across the floor, I could have bought them each their own toothpaste for the year. Just this morning, one of them waddled out with her pants around her ankles, holding a brand new roll of toilet paper that she found under the counter in one hand, showing us how much she was planning to use of it in the other hand. I put a new roll out YESTERDAY!!!!!
Don’t even get me started on how they now have to ask when they need hand soap in the bathroom. Why? Because I hid it. Why? Because I have spent countless hours cleaning soap off the counters, the cabinets, the floors, the dog, their clothes, their elbows, their knees, etc… I still don’t know what is so entertaining about soap and water, but I’m telling you that their bathroom sink was the first place I looked when one of them was too quiet. I made the mistake of getting them a snowman soap dispenser full of peppermint soap for the holidays, and guess where that guy is headed now that I’ve learned (the hard way) they have apparently not outgrown this stage? I tried. I really gave them the benefit of the doubt, but it was too soon for the soap to return.
So what will my toddlers find in their stockings this year?
In their stockings, they will each find a brand new toothbrush with their favorite character, their own tube of toothpaste also with their favorite character, a pink nail scrub brush (because they don’t clean their hands long enough to actually remove the dirt half the time) and a dispenser of their favorite soap. And if you think I’m above putting a roll of toilet paper in each of their stockings as well, you’re wrong. If I find toilet paper that has Disney princesses all over it, you better believe each stocking will have one come Christmas morning.