Why We Judge

Moms Judging Moms. The Mommy Wars. Mom Shaming. It’s the subject of countless books and blogs. I know that I’ve both judged and been judged. Despite pleas for moms to be supportive of each other, embrace our differences, and just get along, the judging continues. After mothering for thirteen plus years, I’ve realized that most of our judging comes from a place of insecurity, not confidence.

Mothering is hard.


That moment when you first hold your child fills you with a love that was simply unimaginable moments before. You understand the overwhelming weight of a mother’s love. And inexplicably, that love continues to grow stronger. You want to be the best mother you can be. 

As a mother, you begin to judge other mothers with different eyes. You look for validation by seeking out others who share your opinions because you want reassurance that your parenting choices are right.

And so we judge, silently or audibly.

Somewhere in our exhausted mom brains, we can only conclude that a mom parenting differently has to be doing it wrong, because otherwise that means we may be doing it wrong. 

At some point we all realize that there is no one right way to mother. Maybe it’s when we find ourselves doing the very thing we said we’d never do, either by choice or necessity. At some point most mothers realize that there is no one right way. Even within your own family, what works for one child may not work another. Despite intellectually knowing this, there are times when I still question myself. (A Mothering Mulligan).

Next time you feel judged, instead of feeling angry or threatened,  consider that the other mom’s judgment of you is probably rooted in her own insecurity. 

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