My husband and I have two daughters. One is 14 and the other is 9 weeks old. The thing is, I only gave birth to one of them.
Yes, you read that right. I only gave birth to one, but my husband, he is “biological” father to both….however I’m not a stepmom and I don’t have a stepdaughter.
Have I confused you? Let me explain.
But before I go any further, let’s rewind 12 years so I can share with you what prepared me for motherhood.
There was a time when I was married before. A time that will always have a special place in my heart because it was when I became a step mother for the very first time. When I met my ex-husband he had a two year old daughter. She quickly became my own daughter. Over the years I helped raise her. I went to school functions, I picked her up from school on Wednesdays, I helped her with her homework, I would take her shopping. She was my daughter. There was no question about it in my mind or to anyone else who knew us. Then things didn’t work out and we divorced. I was terrified I would lose the daughter that had become mine just as much as she was his.
She taught me everything I needed to know about becoming a mother. I learned patience, unconditional love, how to work through being tired when you’ve been up with a sick child all night. Most importantly, I learned that I didn’t have to ever use the word “step” because she was more than that. She wasn’t my stepdaughter. She was the daughter who had come into my life when we were both young and we grew up together.
Now back to my husband and our 2 daughters.
Fast-forward a few years. When I met my soon to be husband, he told me he had a daughter. Those old feelings began churning. I was reliving my past BUT I wasn’t afraid. I couldn’t wait to meet Karli, to get to know her, to get to be apart of her life. I knew there had to be a reason God placed Roy and his daughter in my path. I am a better mother all around for having her in my life.
After several years together we now have another daughter. Karli and Bellatrix are not half-sisters. Karli is not my stepdaughter. She is a part of my husband, which means she’s a part of Bellatrix, which means she’s a part of me. We are one family unit. We don’t allow words or titles to separate us and we never will. My past experience has led me in not believing in those words “step” or “half”. Yes, technically I am Karli’s stepmother, but I am a mother figure and I love her as my own. I would NEVER replace her mother, nor try to, but I will be her Bonus Mom – here to help, encourage and love her and she knows that.
As for my first daughter from my first marriage; I still see her, talk to her and have a great relationship with her and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Love is Love, blind to the social “norms”.