There is a lot of tabu that comes along with announcing pregnancies before the second trimester. Some women feel it’s bad luck, while others just want to make sure everything is 100% healthy with the pregnancy. In reality, you will never know if things are 100% healthy with the pregnancy until you pop out that baby. It is for obvious reasons that it is recommended to wait to announce your pregnancy until you are further along; the miscarriage rate decreases significantly after the 13 week mark, right at the beginning of the second trimester.
1 in 4 women experience a pregnancy/infant loss. I am 1 in 4. Even with the current statistics, women will never know just how each pregnancy is going to go. I have known women that have had a miscarriage at 6 weeks, one at 12 weeks, one at 16 weeks; I have known women that have had early deliveries where their baby passed after a few days and I have known women that have had a full-term stillbirth. You just never know. You never know what God is going to hand you. So I believe that allowing your friends and family into your life will in turn give you immense support in the absolute worst case scenarios.
I have experienced the loss of a baby. It hurts. It hurts emotionally. It hurts physically. Any loss requires grieving and healing. I wasn’t very far along so we had not announced anything to anyone. I had researched when to announce a pregnancy and I decided to stick with the norm. My family had no idea. My friends had no idea. My husband, barely knew what I was going through. Men feel the sadness and they learn they need to move past. Women feel the sadness and they too learn they need to move past but are not able to as quickly; the pain and heartbreak is there every time you use the bathroom, every time you take a pregnancy test to make sure your levels are going down, every time your doctor brings it up, every time you’re asked on a questionnaire how many pregnancies you have had but that number doesn’t add up to how many births or children you have. It never goes away.
So, for me I want that support. I want to share the joyful news of a new pregnancy with family and friends; and God forbid something happens, they are there for you. They know why you’re sad. They know why you’re not yourself. They know you need love. They also know you need space. They don’t ask a million questions as to why you can’t make brunch. They just know. Above all else, women need support from other women. Pregnancy and Infant Loss needs awareness. Technically there is a week dedicated to pregnancy and infant loss (in October), but I’m here to say that we need to recognize it daily. It’s okay to talk about it, it’s okay to be sad, it’s okay to feel and it’s okay to ask for help. You don’t need to go through this alone.
We are now pregnant again and we announced this pregnancy after a confirmation from my doctor. I am now in the second trimester and feeling great. I’m beyond blessed, not only with this pregnancy but with the support I have around me.